Gawky, gutless Captain Quirkhardt is proud of being “Officer Material” – he even sings a song about himself with that title. He’s quite a complex character – being the incompetent and cowardly adjutant to General Moundrot. He has a softer side which affords him some redeeming qualities; having led Third Battalion to its doom, he is imprisoned by Moundrot, and is awaiting torture, including being demoted by one rank a day and the possibility of being minced slowly from the feet up. Being demoted seems to bother him the most. He and Ergo find themselves as cell-mates in the Pigfrog Jail, and Ergo devises an escape plan involving them dressing up as washerwomen. Having been ordered by Moudrot to kill Little Else, he cannot bring himself to do it, and kidnaps her instead.